Progress report

I have been doing really well yesterday and today. Yesterday I ate pretty well, only slipped up by eating a bunch of pasta after work. Today I had a protein shake for breakfast and half a can of yucky lentil soup for lunch (I like lentil soup but evidently not this particular brand). I am thinking of getting a veggie delite sub from subway. Not sure if I will be able to withstand the craving. I am pondering it (I should probably try to take my mind off food all together). I exercised for an hour and fifteen minutes yesterday when I didn't really want to go to the gym in the first place. I had a healthy dinner (fake chicken patty with barbecue dipping sauce, frozen butternut squash, broccoli) and lots of water.

I was reading a lot of articles on diet and physical activity for a school project and for fun. One thing I learned about deciding among healthy and unhealthy changes: if you think you are making an isolated choice and that you will make better choices in the future, you will probably continue to pick crappy choices. If you view your current choice as a series of choices that you will continue to make into the future, you are more likely to go with the healthier option. This is very relevant to my interests. I always say well I will eat this crap now because I know I am almost ready to start making healthy choices, or I will start tomorrow with the consistently healthy choices, or, I feel it in my heart that I will live healthy 'one day'. I will keep this new concept I learned in mind going forward when I am tempted to make the same old destructive choices.

I also learned that scholars really don't think 'diets' work, that is, attempting to significantly restrict calories. They say that it doesn't work because sooner or later the mental anguish you are putting yourself through is too much and you will typically eat even more than you would have if you ate moderately all along. Also even if you do lose, people tend to regain and whats worse is, their metabolism has changed such that new weight is typically fat rather than muscle or whatnot. The article I read stressed working on overeating, rather than trying to undereat. So focus on times when you know you over do it, instead of trying to eat way under. Also, the article talked about working on emotional eating, eating when you are bored or tired or stressed. for instance, I know I am doing that right now. I am not even really that hungry, since I had my shake and soup, but I am craving that happiness I know I would feel by biting into a delicious mayonaisse-ey sandwich with crunchy veggies and soft bread (I don't even know why I am indulging myself by describing the deliciousness of it!).

So anyway, that is what i learned today. I hope this helps someone out there.

What I learned today

I was researching dieting and exercise on some scholarly journals, which I tend to trust a lot more than most sources, and came across this great information on how to develop self-control:

"Self-control is fostered by being in a long-term positive relationship with a dependable person who communicates the value of this goal; working at self-control challenges carefully chosen to be at the correct level of difficulty for present skill; getting many positive models of the successful exercise of self-control; logging in many hours of practice where valued rewards are contingent upon greater and greater exercise of effort; learning that valued rewards can be obtained by effort, and thereby learning to enjoy effort; using fantasy rehearsal; learning compliance skills; learning verbal concepts (including a term for self-control itself) that affect the world view in ways conducive to this skill; learning the art of self -instruction; learning to remove oneself from tempting stimuli, physically and mentally; and learning self -monitoring."

Strayhorn, Joseph M Jr..

Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. Vol.41(1), Jan 2002, pp. 17-27.

[Journal; Peer Reviewed Journal]

I was really impressed, I will break this down further into how I can apply these strategies to my daily life.

Its been a while...

Wow it has been so long since I have written anything in any of my blogs. If I had any followers, sorry for that. I had all but given up on maintaining my blogs. But looking back on what I had written more than 2 years, I am amazed to see I am practically having the same conversations with myself. Waking up too late, eating wrong, not cleaning my house enough. Holy crap.

These problems have never gotten fixed, and also, I am still trying the same old techniques and thinking the same old things about myself and how I will fix them. What does this all mean? Will they ever be fixed then? I really don't know, but looking at my old entries has been such an eye opener.

I feel rather distraught and so confused. Am I not looking at my problems with the right perspective? Am I missing some piece of the puzzle? And if so, what is it?

Am I missing the motivation to turn what I think about problems into action? I tried baby steps. I try total transformation. I try not even thinking about it and just accepting the problem about myself. This is so strange. I mean, I knew I have continued to struggle with my problems. In fact, they have gotten worse. I weigh more than I did 2 years ago, and I am in more debt. I am really at a loss here.

Update on Me

Hello, sorry it has been so long since I have written last. I was not sure if I should keep updating these blogs cause they don't seem like the healthiest thing. I do not want to put too much time into something on the computer that might not help me in the long run. I already spend too much time on the internet, know what I mean?

I started taking the Paxil, and although it has only been about 8 days, I feel like it is starting to help ever so slightly. I feel enthusiastic about things. I dyed my hair over the weekend and plucked my eyebrows and it made a big difference in my appearance. I started taking Hoodia and even though its only been 12 hours I feel skinnier already! I think it has more to do with how I feel than how I look. I also did all my Flylady stuff yesterday AND all my laundry and THEN I just relaxed and watched tv and was asleep by 11:30! Can you believe it? I also woke up at 8:30. Go me AHHH!

In other news, this is whats fluttering through my mind:
- so busy at work today and time is flying by!
- my mom and I have been civil and no fights all weekend!
- I went out and bought a pair of earrings and 2 headbands!
- next week I am going to get a manicure and hair trimmed even if it is at Supercuts
- I feel like watching a foreign language channel on tv until I learn a few new words in another language.
- I spoke to this sweet woman from England today and I loved her english accent and I want to travel more when I start making money!
- I love all of our bloggers that I work with.

Am I manic or what??

Treadmill Routine Change

Well I decided to change my morning treadmill routine. I had felt really bad about it for a while, as I think I have mentioned here before. I started out strong and went about 3 weeks going 1.5 miles a morning. Then something happened, I think I started waking up a lot later, and I couldn't get it all done in time. I never seem to be able to get it done anymore. Maybe it doesn't seem as great to wake up for anymore, I don't know. So finally a couple of days ago I decided to change my routine so I only walk 1.0 miles instead of 1.5. I figured there was a reason I could not make that goal, and maybe I was reaching too high and could not sustain that much. So now at least I have been able to walk 1.0 miles for the last 3 days instead of not at all. I have some accomplishments I can achieve now. It will be a while before I increase how far I walk, and I think when I do increase the distance it will be a much shorter increment like .05 mile or something.

I also have been managing to wake up at about 9, give or take a few minutes. I usually set the alarm for 9:15 then fill with anxiety over that I won't be able to get everything done and be in to work by 10 am now that my boss has put his foot down. So what time should I strive to wake up for? I think for the next 2 weeks I will just try to wake up at 9 consistently. What stinks is for 3 weeks I will have to be at my new class by 8 am so that will help me in the short-term but not help my long-range goals, unless I handle the change correctly.

Personal Update

I haven't been updating much cause I have been busy but don't worry, I *never* forget what I am doing wrong!

I started to take the Paxil a couple days ago, I think it is already helping ever so slightly but due to it usually taking 2 weeks to notice the effects of an SSRI maybe this is a placebo effect.

I am waking up slightly earlier, around 8:30-9. I have been setting my alarm clock for even earlier than that and have resumed my snooze button pushing, however it all takes place much earlier. This will have to do for now as I realized I have bigger [money] problems to solve. I may attempt to wake up earlier by 5 minutes a week or even one minute a week if this is what it takes to do baby steps!

I have not walked on the treadmill for 2 days in a row. I have decided to walk 1 mile in the morning instead of 1.5, until I can do that well enough and am waking up earlier and have more time in the morning. I can walk extra at night if I want to.

I shine my sink every day still.

I am concentrating more on my diet.

I have been thinking about switching to group classes at the gym instead of weight machines. They are too boring for me. I figure if I take up a hobby like Yoga or even tennis maybe, I might do the exercise more. Maybe I will join a basketball league or something.

Can too much sleep cause depression?

the other day I was Googling some things and came across some articles that hypothesize that getting too much sleep can actually lead to depression, rather than being a symptom of it. Or maybe it is circuitous. While there may still be a lot of controversy about whether or not this is true, here are some very interesting articles for your consideration:

Too Much Sleep Can lead to Restless Nights- this article says that people who get too little sleep and people who get too much sleep report the same types of sleep problems! Scarily, it says there have been reports about people who get too much sleep being more at risk for death! Ahhhh! As if I don't have enough to be phobic about! Well if this doesn't get me to quit it with the snooze button nothing will!

List of articles about the link between sleep and depression: interestignly enough, total sleep deprivation has been shown to reduce depression symptoms in 40-60% of treatments. Of course this is not wise nor practical, nor a long lasting solution, but very interesting nonetheless.

Circadian Rhythms and Depression: interesting because I have long suspected my own body clock is out of whack!

More info on sleep deprivation treatments for depression.

Incidentally, depression can cause carb craving.

Based on my research, I have decided to practice waking up early this weekend instead of attempting a 'rest cure'. I think I would be better off in the long run by learning to get less sleep and wake up earlier in the morning.

Also, sometime next week I plan on practicing a new goal of mine- to stop watching tv. I am going to start by giving it up one day a week, cause I am into baby steps, you know! Whats exciting and different is that I am not going to use the television for anything, even for just a light in the room while falling asleep. I will have to ::gasp!:: read a book or something!