Well this week has been lousy in terms of personal achievement. Unfortunately, I came down with a cold and it has been hard for me to stay active and keep up with anything. Ho hum. What is wrong with me? Actually both Monday and today, Tuesday, I have woken up at 10 am when that is the usual time I have been getting to work for the last couple months (and I am actually aiming to be at work at 9 am like normal). I have not been going on my treadmill for 1.5 miles. I have either been going for .75 miles (half of my usual) or not at all. I always have an excuse, and sometimes rightfully so cause I wake up so late I won't be able to get to work on time if I were to go on the treadmill. This is not cool as I was able to go on the treadmill for 3 weeks straight before I started slacking! Almost 4 weeks as a matter of fact, but it wasn't until 3 weeks that I skipped any day at all.
I haven't been to church in 2 weeks. I don't eat breakfast as regularly anymore. I don't do Weight Watchers at all anymore. I don't take a bath at night before I go to bed. I haven't been to the gym in 8 days, when I am supposed to go 3 times a week.
The only things I have been keeping to are washing my face, brushing my teeth, and giving my pets their medicine twice a day.
What has happened to me to get me so far off track? I sincerely don't know, but I started getting a strong sense that I was slipping out of control and everything started to feel overwhelming. I attended some funerals last week and also my pets were sick, and I am sick, so maybe it was all enough to make me lose track of my important everyday things I need to do in order to reach a better life.
Also, waiting for my room mate to leave in order to clean my house has severely tripped me up.
I am thinking of going on Paxil. Does anyone have any experience with it? I am afraid it will make me gain more weight but so will my recent bad attitude. Hmm. What to do. Since I have grappled with my lack of productivety for so long it has occurred to me there may be more going on than I can change by willpower, resolve, self-loathing, etc.
This has been a rather unusually personal post for this blog but you know what? Feeling like this, the way I do know, is my entire reason for creating this blog. I hope my experiences reach out to others who sometimes feel the same way. I am on a quest to get better, not wallow in my current behavior and feelings.