Well again like I have mentioned previously, things have not been going well lately. I feel a sense of slipping back to my old ways of not doing much to achieve my goals. I have not been to the gym in 2 weeks. First I was sick and then I just could not get up the motivation to go, I gave in again and again to my lazy-bones attitude and told myself I would go the next day. I am gonna try so hard to go today but I have to work late and it seems hard to go to the gym really late. Again, not doing good at one goal leaves me struggling to get another accomplished. It all seems to depend on the start I have to my day. If I find it hard to get out of bed in the morning, it is all I can do to try to walk on the treadmill a little and I have really been trying to make showering a neccessity, so in the end I am really "late" to work (I set my own hours but the work must get done by the end of the day, so I wind up working late). Then I berate myself all morning. The berating and anxiety over the overwhelming problems I have are starting to take their toll. My stomach is upset a lot and I drink a lot and my shoulder muscles feel so achey.
I am going to my psychiatrist tommorrow and I think I will try a medicine for a while again. I figure what do I have to lose? I would really rather not go on medication but I think enough is enough. I have read about some problems Paxil users have from going off of it but I have taken it before and I did not have bad effects. It is really a risk I am willing to take at this time, for the promise of help getting my life in order. I will see what my psychiatrist says. Even if I get the prescription I may think about it some more before taking it. But I definetly need help with my anxiety problems and my emetophobia. Enough is enough!